Bdsm cant be mean

Taking the time to be affectionate and talk more after sex — a. Skip navigation! Story from Sex. Sophie Saint Thomas. If you're unfamiliar with the BDSM scene , you might think it's all whips, handcuffs, and pleasurable pain, but there's one important element that BDSM practitioners have built into their sex lives to make sure that everyone involved feels safe and cared for after play time is over: a practice known as aftercare. And whether you're into BDSM or have more vanilla tastes , aftercare is something everyone should be doing.

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Few things in life are as misunderstood as BDSM. The sex practice is often accused of being physically or mentally harmful, something that only survivors of abuse embrace, or abnormally kinky. At its most basic, BDSM is an umbrella term for three categories: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism more details on those in a minute. They might each sound scary in their own right, but because they rely on a judgement-free zone where communication about your desires and boundaries come first, BDSM can actually be the safest and most fun kind of sex you can have, says Holly Richmond, PhD , a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. Think about it: Your work schedule, rent payments, and ugh taxes are all set by external forces.