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What defines a fetish, though, isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. While people use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex. Someone's kink may be bondage, and they may be incredibly excited when they're tied up Meanwhile, a turn-on may be something that simply arouses a person. When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. Reyne adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor.

BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage , discipline , dominance and submission , sadomasochism , and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practising BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent upon self-identification and shared experience. BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships , and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers , body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers , rubber fetishists , and others. Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are often characterized by the participants taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners is essential. The terms "submissive" and "dominant" are often used to distinguish these roles: the dominant partner "dom" takes psychological control over the submissive "sub". The terms "top" and "bottom" are also used: the top is the instigator of an action while the bottom is the receiver of the action.

Takeaway: Use your powers as a Dominant for good! The first time I ever found myself in a bedroom, surrounded by rope and in the presence of a willing girl, I will confess I let the moment go to my head. I was 20 years old, she was eager to please, and I had absolutely zero experience with neither rope play , nor acting like someone who was supposed to be "in control" of a kinky situation. As such, we spent very little time talking about scenes and expectations, and plenty of time getting hot and bothered by the prospect of playing master and slave.

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