I suck my own cock

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Today, the Mooch truly became the Trump administration's communications director. He formally joined earlier in the week, but today Anthony Scaramucci really arrived : In a remarkable interview with The New Yorker 's Ryan Lizza, the Mooch ranted about White House leakers, shivved a couple of colleagues, and dove into a level of vulgarity that, like so much about this administration, is surely unprecedented from a White House official in an on-the-record interview. Below is a collection of his very best one-liners, courtesy of the Goodfellas character who has begun Season Two of our national reality show in hot pursuit of the White House rat. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.

The new White House communications director has become obsessed with leaks and threatened to fire staffers if he discovers that they have given unauthorized information to reporters. It was an interesting group, and raised some questions. Was Trump getting strategic advice from Hannity? Was he considering hiring Shine?

Illustration by Catherine Soule. Come on, you know you've tried it. If you have a penis, a mouth, 15 spare minutes, and even an iota of curiosity, you've tried to see just how close you can get your face to that pesky little pecker you carry around in your pants. That's OK, man has been trying to get that thing into his mouth since the dawn of time. Unfortunately, most of us can't do it.