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Maybe if I was the one subjected to the female gaze, a sense of justice would be restored. I stood on a stage twice and gave a bar full of hooting and hollering women what they came to see: a man with a small penis who was secure enough—or foolish enough—to display it to them and the world. I was a contestant at The Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant in and again last summer. The pageant drew hundreds of mostly women to Kings County Saloon in Brooklyn, where the ladies stood in line around the block for an opportunity to…well, that depends on who you ask.

Amelie Fischer. Age: 23. You'll quickly notice how open, spontaneous and passionate I am. Get ready for a date with a lot of feeling and devotion. I will see with all your senses that you in touch with me feel comfortable. I am the sweet chocolate of which you want to ever cost. I pass away on your tongue and melt for you. I will for you to addiction. I promise you!

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